Sunday, April 12, 2015

Cutie Map: Parts 1 & 2

Well, now that I've got save this kinda junk...the Season 5 premiere of FiM was exceptional!! (And GoT returns in two days!! Gaaaahhhhh, my Throny-Brony tinglies are being thrown into maximum overdrive!) Anyhoo. Yeah, that was a mature two-parter; I feel as if adults would get more out of it than kids. The theme was an amalgam of every dystopian tale you've ever been made to read in middle or high school, plus some you may have read voluntarily. "Someone's been reading Ayn Rand," I had to think.

So, Twilight's new home (supposedly we're getting an emotional goodbye episode to the old treehouse library with the secret science lab underneath?? Oh, maaaan!!)...the magical map...hope Spike didn't actually kill Pinkie's family by crushing their miniature representatives. (Because what if the map is like the Hunger Gamemakers' virtual arena models, and Twilight can use it to control the entire country...?! Aiight, I needa get THG off the brain for like, five minutes. Can I do that? I have no idea.) The map is clearly possessed of a mind/magic of its own, though, too, so I don't know how much control Twilight will really have.
Sooo, Spike's spending guy-time with Big Mac now? How cute. xD

"Maybe it's just your new home, and there ain't nothin' more to it than that!" Yeah, I love how easily AJ can accept being plopped into a new home--or rather, a FRIEND being plopped. 'Magine her reaction to getting plucked from Sweet Apple Acres!

And then...road trip time! To Creepyville! Thanks a lot, Map...but at least you don't chant your name 14 times before sending us off to some lame dump? (I can appreciate Dashie's constant disappointment over the lack of anything interesting or exciting.) That is, until Pinkie Pie evolved into Donphan and used Rollout; it was super-effective!!

Now, whether it's fruit bats, or Discord, or a peacefully brainwashed village...Fluttershy always seems to be the odd one out with her opinions. Because she wants to be so very understanding and sensitive and accepting and welcoming toward everyone--sometimes inordinately so. But at least she's no longer afraid to share her viewpoints, whether she's agreeing with everypony else or not.
But straight away, Pinkie gets a gut sense of distrust toward the whole seemingly normal, quaint town because all those giant grins and plastered smiles feel unnatural and off-putting to her--the queen of happification. The residents are walking around acting more like robots than ordinary ponies. Pinks be like, "Don't'cha be starin' at my flank, creeper! I'm-a quote Hamlet at y'all freaky faces!" Gotta love her expressions of disapproval. Logical Twilight notes the most obvious sign of the place's unusual nature: Everypony's got an equal sign for a cutie mark. And the same exact equal sign, no less.

Starlight Glimmer's hair DOES resemble Aria Blaze's, but I assume that if the Equestria Girls characters are going to show up in the series, then the Dazzlings...well, actually, would they still be sirens now? Or just turn into normal ponies? Oh, the ponderances! Answer them, show! I think I'm leaning towards them being ponies--but they regain their musical abilities on a normal level (i.e., good singers who don't cast evil spells by singing.) Duuuurrrr, where was I...? Oh, right. Hasbro, if you ever need any entry-level studio folk with Media/Film degrees, PLEASE do hit me up. It'd be a dream come true.

Yes, I greatly like the way they melded all of their inspirations into one--the town, the song, the individual characters that we meet...all very effective. I mean, I just recently saw The Giver, which was excellent. (Not to mention how I couldn't help noticing that Meryl's Chief Elder and Julianne's Coin could be sisters...'specially with the severe-looking sheets of possumy-grey hair...xD)
Sugar Belle with what I'll bet are probably the worst muffins in Equestria (talk about your baked bads!)--soon as she told them to meet her inside, it was like, "OOH, SHE A REBEL, HUR-HURR." 

I like the teal Pegasus' design. (And Sugar Belle's--but holy wtf, she looked NOTHING like her former self while de-marked. I didn't even recognize her.) Party Favor & Double Diamond are cute, too. I absolutely loved "In Our Town." (Which is a nameless town, apparently. Well, that seems rather fitting. The residents distinguish themselves in nothing BUT name, and if Starlight took that one step further, you'd HAVE Anthem!) Anyway--musical tours, whoo!! The lyrics are awesome. I particularly liked the anti-competition verse sung to Rainbow, as if they know her (well, by now everypony in Equestria SHOULD know her...and the rest...but how much of the outside world are these residents ever allowed to glimpse?) "You can't have a nightmare if you never dream."

"When the rest of Equestria sees that a princess gave up her cutie mark to join us, they'll finally understand what we're trying to accomplish." ._. You scare me, lady. Is she for real?! "WE ARE BORG. YOU WILL BE ASSIMILATED. RESISTANCE IS FUTILE." Free-thinking, individuality, and uniqueness must become exactly like every one of us, or we can never be friends...

The way Starlight forced the one mare's mane into the standard braided pigtails...that was like whoa. 

And also, my obsession compels me to view her and the town as sort of the MLP counterpart of Coin and District 13, although Maud Pie bears a greater physical resemblance. xD Oh, Maud, how I adore you. You understand the obsessive. :'} I mean, even old Alma's not that whack, but just the idea of non-regulation clothes/hairstyles. (Although the town and its female residents do also call D12 to mind somewhat, especially with that common hairstyle.)

"We have...cloaks. And...muffins." Oy. XD Loved the dialog outside the (sorry excuse for a) bakery. "That and two bits'll getcha a cup of cider." My dad uses that old coffee line. And Pinkie's "What? I'm hungreeeee!" *slumps onto table, staring at Twilie* Adorable!
"I think we're being watched." "What makes you say that?!"
"I've accidentally eaten cardboard tastier than that!"
In the basement, the trio starts advancing on the mane six, trying to fake us into thinking they're either going to break into a malevolent "B-Movie Show"-esque song or steal their cutie marks right then and there. But no--they just want to talk about how dream of having theirs back, but don't dare to actually even request it. Nope, the actual trap is later, and (GODDAMMIT, PINKIE) far from being a glorious experience, the Cutie-Unmarking actually looks to be a rather painful, miserable process. Obviously they all succumb to Starlight's enforced lifestyle eventually, but thank Celestia (literally, I suppose) that our heroines are here to save them all from continued BS! 'Cause it starts working pretty quickly. Their colors become subdued, Rarity thinks hideous drapes are nice, Pinkie loses enthusiasm for fun, and so forth. 

"Meh, sorta...more pleasant than fun, I guess..."

"Oh, even tweets don't make sense anymore!" But Fluttershy, most never did!

Oh, the suspense when poor "easiest convert" Flutters was put on the spot!! And the constant auditory indoctrination/propaganda over the loudspeakers was great.
"...all that our little village has to offer." ...which ain't much! Unless you like revolting muffins, burlap cloaks, and bare, primitive cottages!

"Everypony is equal--but some ponies are more equal than others."
Turns out, of course, that Madame Dictator's conformist bullcrap rules don't apply to her. That is some powerful-ass magic she's got, to literally be able to steal one's identity and force them to live under false harmony. I mean, when you can take away Applejack's ability to countryism...! People are getting both "Communist" and "Nazi" from Starlight (not to mention cult leader), and frankly, they just bent the spectral line so that both extreme ends met and became one.

I'm gonna hazard a guess here that Starlight's never been appreciated for who she is, so she worked at developing magic that would permit her to become a leader to those she could convince of her peace-through-sameness philosophy.

Absolutely love the balloon-animal cutie mark/talent/binoculars/bridge. And the chess mark, and a few others in the vault (lollies! Puppy in a party hat!) Anyways...'kay now, I can only assume that we haven't seen the last of Starlight. Villains rarely make singular appearances, and thus far we have a nice roster going on the League of the Reformed...will she join? Will Twi's wise words get to her at all and start working their magic? She gon' tink 'bout it? And the most obvious question--where the hay'd she go? They didn't even try to follow her through the cave system, so, guess we'll just have to find out somewhere down the line. Even if it's in a comic.

-Pulsating cutie marks; "My cutie-butt-sense is tingling!" xD Well, that oughta be useful. And potentially annoying. AND WAS THAT DIAMOND MINT AT THE END, WTH, SHE MOVED INTO THAT STILL-NAMELESS TOWN?? ...Aiight, whatever...time for some "Friendship Is Witchcraft," "The Mentally Advanced Series," "Rainbow Dash Presents," & .MOV series, because they are all impossibly hysterically hilarious. 

Eta: Just saw Feeling Pinkie Keen yet again, and thought this:

Spike: Can you DO that? Can you explode twice?
Primrose: NO.
Katniss: Mother of fuck, the only reason I volunteered and started up this whole godforsaken mess in the first place was to protect that little shit-luck charm. x____x

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